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Pat's Paradise

  • Errare Humanum Est, Ignoscere Divinum

    I believe forgiveness is hard to do, and something that most people must do to grow as people. It makes you become a more complete person. Forgiveness is a really tough thing to grasp, as thinking about letting go of grudges, and care for what someone did to you. It is hard to do, and something that I still struggle with after being on this Earth for 16 years.

    I think that forgiveness is letting go, and being at peace with someone else’s choices, or even in some cases, your own choices. I think forgiveness is definitely a two way street. There are many cases where you must forgive others in your life, but there are a lot of times, and in some people more cases where they must learn to forgive themselves.

    I definitely do try my hardest to forgive, but as a person who was born to be stubborn (my mom is the most stubborn person I know), it is quite hard for me to forgive. It definitely takes me a while to be able to forgive, and be at peace with another person’s choice, or my own choice. But, in 99% of cases I feel so much better afterwards. Being forgiving is an essential skill to growing up, and being a functioning member of society.

    I think forgiving someone is sometimes reaching out, and just letting someone know that you forgive them, or in some cases, you forgive them internally and they never know. I think forgiving takes a lot of forms in our world, and is definitely something that a lot of our population should learn. The world would be a much better place with less grudges, less revenge, and just less conflict, which forgiveness makes easier. I, and many others I know struggle with forgiveness, but if it were easy everyone would be doing it, so we must all work on our skills and learn to forgive one another.

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  • Reunion Convo: 10, 20, 50

    1. At my 10 year reunion, I’m not sure where I will be in life. I’ll likely be done with school by then, and hopefully in, or about to get into the workforce. I’m not sure what I am going to go to school for, but I will hopefully possess a master’s degree in whatever I end up deciding to do. I think I will change in many ways. I will hopefully have a wife by then (I fall in love very easily, so this isn’t unrealistic), I will hopefully have new friends, and just be a more mature person overall. There likely won’t be much going on career wise for me at this time.
    2. At my 20 year reunion, hopefully I am established in my field, and looked at as one of the best in what I do (whatever that is). I will hopefully have kids by this time, and be a family man to an extent. Hopefully I have finally gained some emotional intelligence, and know how to express my emotions, communicate my emotions, and deal with my emotions. I will be 36 at this time, so hopefully I’m not leading a “peaked in high school” type of life. I will hopefully be talking about my kids, talking about my wife, and talking about my job. Hopefully I’m talking about a job I like, rather than a sucky job that I don’t like.
    3. At my 50 year reunion, I will likely be retired by this time, and have grandchildren. I will hopefully be the cool grandpa, the grandpa with stories to tell, that you always listen to speak to hear something golden. I doubt I would go to my reunion at this time, but if I was to, I would probably not share at all. when I’m 66, I wanna focus on family, and that’s it. I think when you’re that old, your main thing is to focus on your family, and everyone around you, because you’ve already run your course to an extent.

  • What’s broken? How do I fix it?

    There are a lot of things broken throughout the world. Not only things we can hold in our hand, but many people’s trust, and relationships, along with other things. Heck, there’s plenty of things broken with myself, that’s just how life goes I guess. It’s how you fix it, and bouncing back that makes you resilient, and a tough person.

    One thing broken about me is dealing with emotions. This has been a common theme throughout my life, and has been an ongoing battle for a while. Emotions are hard to deal with and I struggle with doing this. Without a coping mechanism to deal with stuff I need to deal with, it is tough for me to really confront things that are emotional-based. I also struggled with addiction that caused me to be numb to emotions for a time, so I had to relearn how to deal with my emotions which was really tough. Emotions are a tough thing to deal with and being numb to them for a while sure did not help me.

    Some stuff with the world is the division of wealth. I think this starts with giving people more access to education, and making college substantially cheaper. I think the division of wealth is poor for our country, and doesn’t offer the ability to move up in social classes as much as it should. When 1% of people own the majority of our country’s wealth, and there are millions impoverished, hungry, and not able to provide for themselves and family, we know something is wrong. I’m not sure how this can be fixed, although I think Andrew Yang’s idea of universal base income is an idea that can aid this problem, giving people enough money to sustain themselves. I think this can be implemented when we start taxing the rich.

  • Desert Island List

    If I were stuck on a desert island, at first I would be upset, and angry about being alone. But I feel like over time I would grow accustomed, and be happy. I’m quite easy to make happy I feel, so bringing 10 things would be enough for me. I could live a pretty solid life like that.

    1. Laptop with ESPN+ and a cable subscription-I couldn’t survive on a desert island, and live at all happy, without being able to watch sports. Sports are one of the main things that brings me happiness on a daily basis. I love watching college basketball to make me happy after a long day. I don’t know why, it just is so fun to watch. I think this would be pivotal to bring me happiness alone on an island, and would help me get through it. I’ve seen people able to charge things in a potato, or something else that could serve as a conductor, that would help keep it from running out of battery. Even if I couldn’t charge it, just having it for the battery life it would have would be enough.
    2. A TON of Mexican food-This would be essential to helping me survive (food is essential) but I would also greatly enjoy it. I’ve said plenty of times that if I could only eat one type of food for the rest of my life, it’d be Mexican food. I’m a sucker for a nice taco and/or burrito.
    3. A large bucket of baseballs-This will go along with a few other items on my list. This is an important part of my life, and would help me keep occupied. Even if I couldn’t bring the other stuff, just tossing something up and catching it occupies me sometimes. The reason it is a bucket, and not a singular baseball is because it’s been my dream to hit a few baseballs off a tee into the ocean, it just seems cool to do.
    4. Baseball bat-This goes with the baseball, and would allow me to hit the baseball into the ocean. It would also allow me to hit the baseball anywhere I want, and keep me occupied. I’d hit so much on the island that I could give Barry Bonds a run for his money before I get saved.
    5. Baseball glove-This would just be fun to mess around with, I know there wouldn’t be anyone else on the island, but just throwing a baseball off of stuff and having it bounce back to me would be pretty fun.
    6. Baseball hitting net & tee-I realize a lot of these are baseball things, but there’s not much else I do that doesn’t involve baseball, and that aren’t electronic, that bring happiness. This would help me save baseballs, by hitting them into the net, and helping me not have to run across the island for them.
    7. Fire starter-This is essential to survival, and would help me stay warm on the island through the cold nights. This is something I’ve seen brought as people’s one item in the hit TV series “Naked and Afraid”. It would be quite beneficial to allowing me to survive.
    8. Machete-This is another item I’ve seen utilized on the show. It helps cut down things to make things, and allows you to shape things that you want to use (ex:cutting bamboo sticks into a way that you could form a shelter out of).
    9. Backpack-This would be crucial to helping me carry the items around the island. It could aid me in getting around the island without having to make trips to bring stuff.
    10. My shoes-I have gotten really into sneakers lately. Just wearing them around the island would be cool. I only wear them to express myself in the first place, I’m not trying to impress anyone, but it’d be fun to just rock them around the island.

  • The Hobgoblin of Little Minds

    My thinking has changed considerably many times in my life, and due to many different things. Most of this has probably been stuff that happened passively rather than changing my thinking by choice. There are some things that we don’t even realize that change our thinking. We all have certain prejudices in our mind, that can shape how we think, feel, and act towards others or ourself.

    One major change in my thinking was when my ex broke up with me. That changed the way I looked at life. When I was with her, I was so busy thinking about what could happen in the future rather than just enjoying what I had at the time. This event led me to just enjoying the now, and what I have going on currently. I greatly value this experience in my life, and all the other experiences that have shaped me today, yet this caused the most drastic change in my thinking.

    I am very comfortable with being inconsistent in my thinking, as I feel it makes me who I am. I am not a consistent thinker at all, and I’m extremely indecisive. I have a new obsessive hobby every few months, and cannot simply focus on one thing ever. I like this about me, and it has made me quite a diverse person in what I like to do. This is a trait I like about myself, that I can strike up conversation about something with almost anyone, with all the hobbies I’ve enjoyed.

    I definitely feel a pull towards less mainstream ideas, as cliche as that sounds. I just don’t like hopping on a bandwagon to support something. It just doesn’t feel right. This is shown in the sports teams I root for, as they all pretty much suck. I could never bring myself to root for a perpetual winning team, it just doesn’t feel right.

  • Thoughts on my Education

    I like my education here at Newburgh Schools, I think it gets a bad wrap due to being located in a low-income area, and being diverse. Due to baseball, I know kids from all over our area, and they all talk about Newburgh schooling as if it’s below theirs, which is not true at all. Newburgh schooling is really good, and I truly enjoy attending school here.

    But if there was something I’d change, I think it’d definitely be to have more specialties. I know this may seem like it’s already implemented, in all the CTE programs at NFA Main, and all the other programs offered by NFA. But a lot of those programs are made to get into the workforce right after school, and not really continue our education. Which I have no problem with, I think it’s awesome that there is opportunities for kids that don’t want to attend college, or want to pick up a skill they could always fall back on.

    I just wish there were opportunities for more college majors to be explored in high school. Obviously it’s impossible to have all college majors covered, but I think if we made an effort there could definitely be a lot more represented here. I think we were looking better last year, with science research still a class. But this year, with no science research, our options for specializing are far more limited. The sciences are a wide field, and that class allowed for specialty in niche subjects, that wouldn’t ever be offered as a class here at NFA.

    I was in science research last year, and doing my own, and hearing other kids projects was really enjoyable. I love seeing people really do what they want to do, rather than what they’re made to do. It was an escape from the normal school day, and it was stripped. So our options for what kind of sciences to study here were infinitely limited by this change.

    But I think we have enough teachers and enough resources to expand our options, and if we don’t, we can always hire more. Our school has a large budget, and using a little bit of it to broaden options for the future generation wouldn’t be in vain, it would truly help us learn the way we want, along with learning the way we must.

  • College is Not an Option

    If college wasn’t an option I’m not sure what I would do.

    I would probably join the workforce right away and start working retail or some other entry level form of labor. I’m not sure what kind of establishment I would work at but definitely not fast food. That is too chaotic, and fast of an environment for me to work in because of how hectic it seems.

    I’m not sure what I’d do for housing. My sister has been thinking of buying an apartment, so I could pitch in and maybe get a room with her, or even a pullout couch. Anything would be better than being homeless or not knowing where my next meal would come from. At least I have some safety and comfort with her, rather than staying with people I don’t know.

    I believe having a stable place to sleep as well as being around a familiar face such as my sisters would benefit me greatly, and I would definitely have less mental health struggles than I would without her there, and without a place to sleep. If anything ever came of me in this no education, no college life, I would owe most of it to her honestly. She would have helped me on my feet and into the real world if everything shook out like this.

    I would definitely have to learn to do things on more of a budget, which wouldn’t be that much of a change if it were a small cut, but this would incur a large drop-off in what I could buy and not buy. I think this would definitely help me understand money better and be more frugal. I think everyone needs a struggle phase, or something of that sort to illustrate to them how much money can really matter, and how it guides us. I’m not sure where I heard this, but money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy freedom.

    I’m not sure what my aspirations would be if I couldn’t go to college. Maybe I’d want to be a high end construction worker, but that sounds quite unfulfilling. But it’s also one of the highest paying jobs you can get without a high school diploma. I’d probably watch youtube videos that detail what you need to know before you start construction, so I go in with at least some knowledge to make me qualified to even be near a construction site.

  • Human Question #2

    My biggest regret in life is not putting my all into things. I know that if I did really try, throughout my whole life, I’d be in a much better spot than I am today.

    I don’t hate where I’m at right now, I’m definitely enjoying life, but, I just wish I had that time back, so I could do it again. I wish I took advantage of the opportunities I was given, and really put my all into it. But instead I just sat back and did the bare minimum, which I really regret.

    There’s always time to make it up to myself yes, my career isn’t over academically and/or with baseball, the clock hasn’t struck 12, yet it does feel that way due to what I failed myself in doing. In really trying as much as I can, and being the best Patrick I can be in the classroom, as well as on the field.

  • Human Question #1

    If I had to give one piece of advice to a group of preteens, it’d be to not get attached to people. It doesn’t end up good and it just sets you up for a bigger let down or emotional trauma in the end. A relationship built on reliability can be a good one, but it can also end real bad if it gets too much.

    I have had a pivotal experience in my life where I was on both sides, I relied on her and she relied on me, and it was very unhealthy. But, it went on through COVID-19 so it was super hard to get out of it. It went on for 1 and a half years and was successful in my jaded eyes, but in reality, it was terrible.

    I couldn’t hang out with friends because she had separation anxiety, I was upset when she would go. It was neither of our faults that it was this way, and it was just a situation of tough circumstances for the both of us. We hung out a few times before quarantine, and we were just sticking around to try to have that feeling of hanging out with someone you “love”(we were 14 we didn’t know what love was) and relaxing.

    It was such a great feeling that we wanted to make it last over quarantine, and ended up getting attached to each other. It’s not a healthy thing nor a pleasing thing to be so close yet so far to someone you want. She lived in Newburgh, but had strict parents so we could never hangout. Even when we did before COVID, it had to be without her parents knowledge. It’s hard to grow that attached to someone that you can rarely ever hangout with.

    That is why getting attached never works, someone will always be hiding something. Someone will always be deceiving. Or it could just be the right person in the wrong situation. There are way too many variables of stuff it could be, or stuff that could happen, that it’s not even worth it. So enjoy your teen years without the stress of being in a long-term relationship is the way I look at it.

  • Review

    Review

    I will be reviewing the PC game known as Iracing. It is a game on PC that you pay membership to play, that gives you an accurate depiction of what it feels like to drive a racecar, and many different types of them as well. They are known for their accurate sim racing and for being the premier sim racing game. This game requires 16 GB of RAM on your PC and a steering wheel compatible with your PC.

    I have been playing this game for about 2 months. I have never actually driven the racecars in the game. I have bought several of the games additional tracks and cars, that don’t come with the game. I am not great at it, but I do hold my own against some of the best competition this game has to offer, as well as against some professional drivers I run into from time to time that play the game.

    This review is due to many people questioning how good the game is, and people complaining about it. I want to write an actual review of the game, without everyone’s unrealistic expectations, and biases. I wanted to give context and reasoning as well with my review of the game.

    Firstly let’s start with cost. I purchased a one year membership for $59.99, and have probably spent anywhere from $60-$100 on tracks and cars in the game. This games expenses aren’t purely with the actual game though, as you will need a steering wheel as well, and a baseline, bare minimum one costs about $50, and if you want a more immersive, better steering wheel it’ll run you anywhere from $100-$500 depending on it’s make and model, and many other things.

    But it is very rewarding, if you like watching racing and/or playing racing games. It is very cool, and you can get hooked very easily into a 2+ hour session due to the shear realism of the game. But don’t just take the realism aspect from me, as I’ve seen many professional driver’s streaming the game on Twitch, Youtube, or other streaming platforms and they’ve never once complained about realism, and have actually added to the games credibility. 


    At some of the races I go to where I meet the professional drivers who partake in Iracing, and also have driven the cars in real life, I ask for some input on their side, the people who drive the cars professionally, on how well the car drives in-game compared to in real life. They’ve all said that it is as close to being in the car as you can get, without actually taking the risk of racing in real life. This gives me a lot of confidence in the realism aspect of the game.

    I personally, really enjoy the game and it’s features. I go to a lot of race tracks to watch racing in the northeast, and plenty of those tracks that I visited are featured in the game, which to me is super cool. Before I head to watch racing at those tracks, I will run some laps around it on Iracing to get a feel for what challenges the drivers will be facing, what the track feels like in that specific car, and overall just a better understanding of what’s going on. I really enjoy the game in that aspect.

    However, this game isn’t for everyone, as not as many people appreciate racing as much as others, so it is sort of a niche game, yet a fun one if you really are into it and enjoy motorsports. So if you do enjoy any form of motorsports, this is the game for you!

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